Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you’ve invested so much of your time and energy into another person (and possibly little ones); 1.- Commit everything to prayer. The Scripture is clear: “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” (Psalms 127:1) You must seek the Lord’s guidance and follow His lead. Prayer is your pathway to peace. Prayer not only can change his heart, but also yours. Then you can feel the peace of God in your heart and life.
2.- This is a time to take inventory. This is a time to prayerfully reflect on why you’re having trouble in your marriage, and work on fixing everything in your power to change. Make an effort to figure out what went wrong. You can’t move forward if you don’t know what’s holding you back. Hopefully you’ve asked your spouse to tell you why they are unhappy in your marriage. Listen carefully to their complaints. Try not to be defensive or point fingers. This doesn’t mean you have to accept everything he says, but an attitude of openness and learning will be of great help to you.
3.- Say what you mean and mean what you say. (and expect the same from your spouse). A relationship is all about trust. Trust is gained when expectations are met, and when actions are followed through on. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. A failure to follow through on your words causes your spouse to believe that your words aren’t what you say they are. This leads to a breakdown in trust.
4.- Make every encounter with him positive. Avoid arguments. Don’t dig up the past. Every encounter we have with our mate either adds to the “love bucket,” or detracts from it. Given the state of your marriage, you need as many points as you can get. Therefore, instead of reacting in a way he’s used to, show him your best side. Believe me, he’ll take notice. Guard your heart, being careful not to have these interactions turn harsh.
5.- Don’t make threats. Threats don’t mean you’re a bad person, they just mean that you’ve learned a bad habit, one you should unlearn. The problem with threats is that they encourage people to do the right things for the wrong reasons: your spouse shouldn’t feel obligated to save the marriage because you’re threatening to keep him from seeing his kids, or threatening to take him for every dime he has, or maybe even threatening to commit suicide. These type of threats only make you look mentally unstable and just may scare him away for good.
6.- Get help. Counseling can be a way to simply explore possibilities. A trained psychologist or Christian counselor will help the both of you work on stabilizing your marriage. It’s always helpful to speak with someone outside your circle. Someone who will not offer a biased opinion. If this option is too expensive, most churches offer free marriage counseling. It’s definitely something worth checking into.
7.- Gather supportive friends/ family who will join you in prayer for your marriage. At a time when you feel so helpless, the last thing you need are negative people giving you advice they would never follow themselves. When your emotions are on a rollercoaster, you’ll need the safety of friends, and relatives who are genuinely interested in your well being. Don’t be ashamed to find comfort in your loved ones. But take it to the Lord, before you take it to anyone else.
Even if you are separated, Remember that your marriage is not over until the papers are signed. A lot can change between the time a spouse moves out and divorce papers are signed. While I don’t want to offer false hope, many marriages can be saved if certain actions are taken, and certain destructive actions are avoided.
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